Know the consequences.

Before you book those airflight tickets, make sure you check the hidden fees for each airline.

I can't stand it when you're on a dating sites, and people refuse to post pictures of themselves. What are they? Aliens? Do they really think appearance has no ground in the world of dating? Do they kid themselves into believing that a photo should be the last thing everyone looks at and that personality is all that matters? Oh my good god. Get a hold of yourself and and stop dreaming in the la la land.

You know what, I got sick of it as much as my message above meant to say, so I went ahead and send a quick "do you have a pic available?" with no other question asked.

Scenario 1: Appropriate outcome

A few was kind enough to send me their pics.

Scenario 2: I do, but not here

Some tried to buy some time such as "I have a pic, but not here" <== what the frag kind of answer is that? I played thick skin with another message. "Could you please forward one to my email."

Then the girl replied with

"Could you tell me a bit about yourself. Where do you live, what do you for a living. What are your hobbies."

Bull$hit, are you kidding me girl? I'm asking for a pic and did you manage to ignore that completely? You didn't post a pic on a dating site. That's absolutely inappropriate. You shouldn't even be having a profile. You should be gone, period. I kindly asked for a pic and now here comes the "prove yourself to be worthy of my pic, which I might not even send you one in a million years."

Frag that. That's mistake #2.

I replied with

Me: "Sorry, I didn't know u screen people while remaining anonymous. I like to give others the benefit of the doubt and make the first step for them. It's the only way to make a win-win situation."

To another, I said:

Me: "Even friendship can't start on anonymity. I'm not sure what else to say."

Scenario 3: I do, but on MSN

What else to say other than:

Me: "Sorry, I don't have MSN. You can send it to my email."

This is actually a pretty good way to screen out bullshiters, because it denied them another bullshit answer.

Conclusion:

You see, my point is, post the damn fragking pic when you're on a dating site, because no body wants to date an

1) Ugly pig. I don't, and even if you have a nicest personality in the world. I'm sorry to break it to you girl. Your best bet is to be my best friend, but no, I am NOT going to date you. Period. Stop dreaming and stop living in a well.

2) Even if you're pretty and wants to narrow guys who choose you because how hot you look. Give it up. Guys will want to have sex with you not because your living-in-a-well personality but because of how hot you look. Did I make myself clear? But if you're going to have a mask like all those Muslim do walking around town, then hey, I'm sorry, you look like a member of Al Qaeda, and no I'm not going to meet up with a girl without a face.

So post the damn pic. For girls who are a bit slow because they don't have enough brain matter to digest all that, look, listen, ok fine, just understand this.

If you don't look good. You're doing yourself a HUGE disfavor reminding yourself that your look is the only reason you're single by not posting a pic far in advance. Don't trick yourself thinking that personality is everything because it's not.

If you look good. Come on, chances are you already have guys lining up your doorway, so I don't even know why you're on dating site in the first place, unless you have serious mental problem. Anyway, but let's discard all that. With that appearance, you have an options to be very selective, so why would you want to choose among a few rather than a hundred? You must have a lot of time on your hand.

As for me, time is limited, so my next message will be even more direct:

"Could you please post a pic or send one to my email. Thanks."

MJ

I don't like the fact that Youtube is swamped with Michael Jackson. Why is it that when a man has a talent, everyone talked negatively about him until the day that he's history then they started to praise how great of a King of Pop he was. Jeez. Give the man credit when he's alive, stupid. Anyway, I'm gonig to puke when I see another MJ videos. To me, he has always been great, so no need to swamp me with any of those bullcrap, just because he's no longer here with us.

Sex toy

Other than that, I've been pondering over Bri@na B@nks Pu$sy & A$s (NSFW) for the longest time. I guess the advantage of being a woman is that you have decent $ex toys. For guys, this is what we have to resort to. Anyway, the thing costs $130 and I'm about 80% close to getting it. Still not sure yet 'cause it feels wrong and weird and what-on-earth-am-i-doing-with-this-thing-jesus-moly-holy-mother-of-god.

Ok, I'll definitely try not to scream like that.

This is really cool. I've been using Mint.com as a way to see all of my spending and how much have I indulged myself throughout the years.

So in June 2009, I have managed to spend a total of $7500. It's not fun to see the bulk of it, as much as $5665 on paying my educational loan, which at the moment is around $109,800 with a 4.5% interest rate. Grins

Anyway, I spent $680 on shopping, which is quite a lot in recent months. You can see that on average I've spent about $300 a month. Cool huh, you can also check out what I bought and the corresponding prices over the last 6 months. That's bloody brilliant.

Also, in June, I used up an upward of $550 on food alone. Yike. The included $504 didn't account for restaurants that take only cash. Other than that, I paid $595 for rent with utilities included, used $43 for gas, and $14 on UPS shipping.

Needless to say, I made all my purchases with credits, so I can better keep track of my spending habit.

What does your debt curve look like?

I cried today, not for anything really, just about what happened 11 years ago. I read ML's diary about our first 2-month encounter. The tone, the settings back then were so much different than what I'm encountering now.

There were so much love. I gave her everything I had with almost no holding back. That was my first love. In turn, she gave me twice, three times as much.

It's nothing like what I'm doing. Now, there are so much reservation, so much evaluation. It's not fun anymore. It's not real anymore.

What happened to me in the past 10 years have almost literally destroyed me. I am now ...cheh... I just can't love a person for who she is anymore. I can't love a person like the way I'm supposed to.

But that's not what I want. I want to love her like there's no holding back. I want to treat her the best way I know how.

But somehow, for some reasons, it's so dry. Love is so dry with me.

My heart has died. It's dead. It's cold. It's hollow. It's filled with voids of space.

Oh my god...

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry.

But I don't know what I'm sorry about. Sorry for what? Sorry to whom? Sorry? Why?

I don't know.

I just feel ...

lost....

Because it's almost as if I had everything at that moment despite all the chaos we went through.

And now, it's just so painful.

Life, love, everything is so painful now.

The world used to be nice, but not anymore.

Oh man, I think I'm getting serious with the girl that I know. I don't even know what to say. No wonder girls always go for bad guys and guys, hmm, do they always fall for bad girls?

The problem is: She is so hot.

Oh man, I feel bad. I fall for a girl just because she is so hot? That's not even funny.

Ok, I stand corrected. I haven't fallen for anyone yet. It's just that the more I date her, the better looking she becomes, which is a normal human adaptive behavior, but today, she really looks good naturally.

Anyway, enough about that.

I just don't want to do it with her, but, but, but ... I want to. Frag.

I don't the hell know how long I can pull this off. I mean, I don't know how long am I going to be able to withstand the temptation.

I'm actually pretty good at this. I resisted many before. I even resisted girls lying naked in bed with me on first date. Ok, please don't ask how did I get that far. I must be pretty bad wasn't I to even let myself be in such situation? Well, not really. I'm a pretty good guy. I didn't even think the girl, R, was bad. She was just on a different ball park than I was and obviously she didn't care because she was far more advanced than I could ever be.

Anyway, the thing is that, I terminated with R soon after I realized something about R that I was allergic to. The thing about TN is that, I'm still dating her right now and she's looking good every time I see her and yes the temptation is always there.

Actually, now that I think about it, I have been giving myself too little credits. I have always said do what you have to do as long as there is 1) no transmission of any kind and 2) no accident.

She just got tested a week ago, which is likely turning out to be negative. Oh crap. But you know what, she refused to take the big huge Depo shot, which is probably be my good excuse for not doing it, insisting on the insecurity of the daily pills and the half-hearted effort of the case-by-case rain coats.

I think I can maintain my manhood that way. I'm afraid on the day that she finally takes the shot, then I have no idea on what to do next.

I also want to correct myself through the tone of my writings. A lot of times, readers get a sense that I'm cynical and think negatively about whoever is unfortunate enough to be my victims. I have a couple of broken dates because of that. I want to say that, yes, I do sound cynical and I tend to vent my frustrations rather often enough, but these people, you know, are normal beings. They are good the way they are and it's probably me who don't give them enough credits.

Speaking of which, I want to sum up briefly about TN:

TN is a very independent girl. She can take care of herself just fine without anyone's help. She has lived her life recklessly in the past. She's not the greatest girl because of some character flaws which I do see the potential for improvement. If she can fix her flaws, she'd probably end up being wanted because she looks good, fun to be around, and have good sense of humor. I'm not here to change her. I'm only here to let her know what constitutes a successful loving relationship.

TN's been nice to me, but still, she isn't entirely honest with me. This is what currently keeping me from being fully involved. I haven't told her what I know about her and I'm not planning to anyway because these facts serve as checkpoints for me to know what am I in her mind.

For now, I guess we're just going to be implementing the wait and see approach.

When I was little, I thought I did pretty good when I biked 3 km to Binh Quoi and back in 2 hours or so.

View Larger Map

But the other day, I spent 1:45 hrs riding my bicycle along C. river, totaling a distance of 6-7 mikles. It was awesome, breath taking. I stopped a couple of times to enjoy the scene. Turns out, I love bicycling. The problem is by the end of my 6 miles, I was exhausted. I realized that I was pretty much out of shape.

So I guess to satisfy my desire to travel longer distance in shorter time, yet still retaining the individuality of riding a bike, I think my next big toy is going to be a motorcycle.

I just checked online somewhat. The price is pretty steep. No wonder, these things can only be affordable to at least the middle class.

- Driving Permit and Learning Class: $200
- Kawasaki Ninja 250R: $3500
- Pretty good racing suit with protective gear: $1000 - Alpinestars RC-1 Two Piece Suit
- Helmet - $400
- Other equipments I haven't looked at yet: Probably another $1000.

Total: $6000-$7000

Whow. That's an expensive hobby

One thing though. My life price tag is pretty high so one thing for sure, I'm not going to bike with poor protective gear. I would think, whenever I bike, depending on my skill level and where I ride of course, it's likely going to be full racing suit with everything on.

I don't want to even scratch myself, so breaking a bone for any reason is not an option.

A bit sad that there aren't that many people who truly care for you. As of this moment, I'm not being a great friend either. The reason: I'm trying hard not to be.

The girl that know... perhaps I know her too well. If you get involved with this girl, she is someone who can really hurt you. Therefore, I'm keeping my distance.

To me, it's very easy to get involved. You just get intimate and that's about it, and we're pretty matched up in that sense, but the problem is I'm concerned about the consequence. I don't want my girl to go astray, even with the slightest disregard for how I feel.

The point is: I don't feel safe.

Recommended book tip: Get away.

Well in a way, I am. I'm keeping my distance trying to not be involved, not because I don't want to. I want to. I just don't want to get into another drama. If you're wondering, yes, I'm thinking pretty much like a girl now: trying to protect me agaisnt all odds.

In keeping distance, I'm being a bad friend. She's moving to a new house. I'm not even there to help with the moving. She asked me to come tonight to help situate the house after she has moved. I declined.

My problem? She just did it with some asshole while dating me a month ago.

Just the thought of that makes me itched.

And my excuse? I'm studying for the board AND she's asking me to help her, come to her place (ie. she doesn't loose anything), which is different than an offer to come to my place instead.

The problem also is that I told her I will tell her if I'm dating others. I guess I have to correct that. I'm not really "dating" right now, just "meeting" people.